first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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