Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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