I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
