nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
