You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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