do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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