I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
