it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
false alarm, still single
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