Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
