my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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