Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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