They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
