new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
