I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
