Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
