Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
