it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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