I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
