all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
