My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
