You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
