Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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