I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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