Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
