it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
