i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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