can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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