Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
