The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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