We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
