He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
