you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
