i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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