took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
