I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
