did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
