we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
