is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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