I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
