Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
