never play flip cup with pint glasses
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
