He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Congratulations! We have a period
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