and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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