Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
