Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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