I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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