Four minutes until I can fart!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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