I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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