Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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