70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
