so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
