I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
