I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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